Teen Plays Bond Theme in Head While Skiing

Foggy Mountain, CO -- Slaloming down a double blue square slope at Foggy Mountain Ski Resort in Colorado, teenager Nicole Crosby was overheard humming the theme to the popular James Bond film series. Nicole initially denied this but, upon learning that I AM THE PRESS will “always wear a hat while newsing,” confirmed the story when offered a spa coupon.

When asked whether she was mentally playing the role of George Lazenby in the Swiss Alps of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service or Roger Moore in the Austrian Alps of A Spy Who Loved Me, Crosby stated that she was actually imagining herself as Halle Berry in the 2002 film Die Another Day. Crosby’s imagination was so good that she overlooked at least better Bond movies with skiing and the fact that Halle Berry did not ski in Die Another Day. In fact, I AM THE PRESS has uncovered that there was no skiing at all in Die Another Day, and in fact the only Brosnan-era film that DID feature skiing was the 1997 film Tomorrow Never Dies.

Crosby admitted that the Bond-theme, written by Monty Norman and orchestrated by John Barry, had actually improved her stamina and performance, like some sort of ski-themed Enzyte or Cialus. To prove this, the teen donned her rental skis and successfully navigated the entire “Bunny-Hoppers” circuit of slopes in under an hour, only falling three times and taking only a single ten-minute hot chocolate break.

Aspirations for the young skier include, “trying a black diamond next year” and “being like Halle Berry, I told you that already. That hat isn’t that cool.” When I AM THE PRESS corrected her on Berry’s skiing performance and the lack of skiing in the aforementioned Bond film, Crosby amended her statement to, “ok, like Madonna.” I AM THE PRESS did not even try to point out that that was the same movie, but did indeed point out that “au contraire, this hat is awesome.”

Crosby’s father commented that his “little ski bunny” was coming along quickly, but added that she had a long way to go before she was like “that one guy who played Bond, the English one in Daylights.” Seriously, though, Timothy Dalton never skied in any Bond films either.