Feminists Angered by Male-Dominated Field of Being Clive Owen's Stunt-Double

Washington, DC -- Legislation was put before the House today to force desegregation of one of the least-regulated industries in America, being Clive Owen’s stunt-double. The "Case-United National Team" activist group released a statement saying that they believed this was a historic day for women’s equality in the workplace. Spokeswoman Silvia Nolan told I AM THE PRESS that, “finally, women will be able to portray the reckless, ill-advised risks of a man with the same gusto as reckless, ill-advised, risky men.”

Ever since the 2004 hit King Arthur, featuring the daring stunts of Robert Inch, being Clive Owen’s stunt double has been a completely male-dominated enterprise. Joining Inch’s ranks are the likes of James Grogan, Anthony Vincent II, and Ian Mclaughlin. The push for legislation was spurred by Joan Cantwell, the stunt-actress who alleged that she was forced off of production of 2007’s Shoot ‘Em Up when producers realized she was a woman. Which was totally true.

“We didn’t think Miss Cantwell’s feminine physique truly captured what it was to be Clive Owen killing a man with a carrot,” said Shoot ‘Em Up producer Rick Benattar. “It had nothing to do with her gender”. Cantwell alleged in her 2006 lawsuit that her gender had everything to do with her dismissal, but the California State Supreme Court sided with the movie’s producers, who continued production unheeded.

Cantwell could not be reached for comment. Clive Owen’s agent told I AM THE PRESS that Owen simply responded “Huh, what? Tea and biscuits, cheerio!”

Pundits are predicting a swift defeat for the bill, which will probably never emerge from committee. The message has already been sent, however, and has paved the way of change.

“We actually have a female stunt-double for Mr. Owen lined up for Inside Man II,” said executive producer Spike Lee. “But we’re not stopping there. We also hired a black stunt-double, because there's more than one front to this war.” Inside Man II is expected to crash at the box-office following attacks by hyper-conservative critics and intelligent critics alike.